Bad Idea
by AussieTex
Summary: When the cat's away the mice will play but what happens if the cat is all the women from an elite military program designed to create killers and the mice were a few brave male souls led by Freelancer York who want to use their skills for mischief?


An Irish voice whispered quietly in the crowded mess hall, "You're sure?"

"Yeah," another male voice replied, "I heard it from my sister. The girls are going out for some down time tomorrow."

"Absolutely sure, even Tex?" the Irish looked at the other man his amber eyes incredibly focused, for once.

The blue eyed man opposite the Irish sighed and ran his hand through chin length blond hair before slamming his hand on the table, "Yes York. I'm very abso-_fucking_-lutely sure that all the women in the program including the iron-clad, ball busting bitch Freelancer Tex will be off base on some female relaxation thing tomorrow. Why do you want to know so badly?"

York seemed to be staring out into space with an evil smile forming on his sensual mouth making the gold lip piercing glitter in the light of the mess hall.

The blond Agent North Dakota took one look at that evil smile and visibly paled, "Oh shit York you're planning something stupid aren't you? That's why you wanted to know if Tex was gone cause you knew that if she was here she would find out and kick your ass."

York shook his head almost playfully as he gave his friend an innocent looking smile that somehow didn't reach his eyes, "Would I really do something like that?"

North met York's eyes squarely, something the shy twin of the Dakota siblings did very rarely, "Yes you would. Yes you definitely would."

York laughed softly as he got up from the table and started heading towards a group of other male Freelancers.

North watched him go for a minute before he called, "Kyle, York!"

York turned back and raised a chocolate coloured eyebrow.

North sighed, "I just know I'm going to regret this but what the hell are you planning?"

York damn near strutted back to the table grinning madly, "Well if you really want to know..."

That night York lay on his bed just staring moodily at the ceiling, his thoughts going over his plans for the next day over and over again. He knew that if something went wrong and he got caught he would have hell to pay but, he smiled and laughed to himself, it would be so worth it. His mind, now bored drifted again as his hand wandered from his shoulder, along his neck, across the plains of his chest before coming to rest on his hip before tracing back the way it came. He got up with a sigh and headed to the bathroom for a shower, hoping it would send him to sleep. He quickly turned the water on as strong as it would go as hot as his skin could take it before slipping into the hard spray. The water hit the muscles of his back like pounding hands relaxing him almost instantly. He thrust his head under the water and sighed as it ran through his hair, flowed along his forehead, pooled around his eyes, rippled across his cheeks and jaw before dripping off his chin. Feeling calmer he soaped up as the water continued to embrace him like the arms of a lover. He smiled dreamily as the amber jewels of his eyes unfocused as he imagined the woman he wanted to hold him. The colour of her hair, the emotions in her eyes, the smell of her skin and the feel of her soft skin under his hands. Calm and sleepy at last he turned the water off reluctantly and slowly ran a towel over himself. Once dry he cleared the mirror partially of the mist that clung there so he could remove his various piercings. The three studs in his left ear, the hop in his right and the ring through his lip. He watched himself in the mirror for a moment thinking about what changes he would make to himself next. Another tattoo, maybe on his left pec? A new piercing, a nipple or an eyebrow this time? He ran a single finger over the holes of the piercings he already had done, across the Star of David on his right hip and the cobra on his left shoulder. He likes his tats and his piercing and he loved the way women's eyes always followed them even if they didn't want to, one woman in particular too. He made his way to his bed and flopped down upon wearing nothing at all. He closed his eyes at last a smile on his face as his mind ran over his plan for the next day once more as he drifted off his plans turning into colourful dreams.

An alarm rang through his head, shattering his dream leaving no memory of what he had seen. Groaning he pulled himself and looked at the time. 0900 hours, almost time for the girls to leave. He swung his legs out from under the sheets and stumbled over to his draws yawning hugely. He grabbed a random shirt and a random pair of jeans and pulled them on. Once his pants were done up he realised he hadn't put underwear on but didn't care. He half walked, half stumbled to the door and down the hall. He made it to the mess hall just in time to see the girls all talking excitedly getting ready to go, even the usually anti-social Tex. She looked up just as York entered and gave her signature half-resigned, half-sarcastic smile as she gave a small wave. York smiled back warmly and waved back before grabbing a tray of what the military called food and crashing down at a table on his own. He started eating as one of the staff told the girls it was time to go. York watched them go as he forced himself to eat slowly and once all the girls had left the hall he nodded to Freelancer Michigan who quickly got up and stared out the window. When he gave a very subtle thumbs up York scoffed his food down and nodded to Michigan again and got up. Michigan left his spot by the window and followed York just as Ohio and Kentucky took places just behind him on his left and right.

As they passed the last table the sombre Agent Washington looked up at them and smiled gravely, "You're funeral."

York and the other agents snickered as they entered the hall leading to the agents quarters.

Once they got to the area they wanted York turned and faced Michigan, Ohio and Kentucky, "You guys sure you want to risk this?"

They all nodded as they all broke into almost identical evil grins. York nodded almost sagely as he continued his tone grave, "Well we all know the risks involved in this but we all know the payoff will be great." York shrugged, "Well at least I think it will be and I'm guessing you guys feel the same."

Again the other guys all smiled and Michigan even laughed. York nodded once more, "Alright so you all know what we're going to do right?"

They all nodded.

"Alright let's go stir up a little hell." York finally lost his serious composure and his eyes almost glowed with his pride and evil intentions.

Three minutes later the four male agents were running through the female agents quarters. York, the resident break-in expert, picking every lock and opening the door before getting out of the way so one of the other agents could go in and raid the room. Those agents would then take whatever had grabbed their attention and run off through the base to place the items somewhere. It was a very smooth operation with barely a second wasted as the men moved in flawless unison. Finally only one room remained untouched. The door had only one thing on its outside a little brass plate with the number 00 engraved upon it. This was the only door that the men hesitated before.

"Ok, who wants it?" Kentucky asked, his eyes shifted nervously from face to face.

York just flipped his hand dismissively, "If you guys don't mind, I'd like to take this one on my own."

"I don't care." Ohio muttered thrusting his hands into his pockets.

"Go for it." Kentucky encouraged.

Michigan placed a comforting hand on York's shoulder, "It was good knowing you, Kyle. May Freelancer York forever be remembered for his big brass balls. Well at least the ones he had before they were forcibly removed and shoved down his throat 'til he choked on them."

York laughed as the others took off to feign innocence when the girls got back. He knelt down and eyed the lock wearily before he drew out his tools and set to work. It was a good lock, better than the others he had broken today but still no real challenge. Under a minute the lock clicked and he turned the handle and opened the door.

"Too easy." he whispered.

He quickly got up and entered the room smiling the whole time. He walked with a strong, determined stride to the dresser located in the corner of the room he dug through the draws quickly trying to find the object of today's actions but she had some sort of weird system and he couldn't figure it out. Disappointed he slammed the last draw shut and turned. He then noticed a cupboard hidden just behind the door, where it would be unnoticed by anyone just popping their head in the door. He made his way over there and opened it to see the woman's good jackets, shirts, pants, skirts and even one or two surprise dresses hanging up. He looked to the bottom of the cupboard and saw a small 3-draw cupboard just hidden in the corner. He opened the draws and again an evil almost maniacal grin came across his face as he saw what the draws held.

"Jackpot!"

That night Freelancer York was again in the bathroom staring at the mirror but not for contemplating a new change for his body, well a willing change this time. He groaned loudly as he pressed an icepack to a new part of his aching body. He grumbled to himself as he cast his eye over his injuries. His left eye was almost swollen shut, his right cheek was a deep, mottled purple while his bottom lip was split. His left shoulder was also purple while his ribs were all sorts of bad colours of green, blue, yellow and purple but at least he could stand now. He had been so focused on minimising the damage on his chest and face from Tex's mean right hook and lighting fast left jab that he had forgotten that he should keep and eye on her legs as well. He and his equipment had found that out the hard way. He moved the icepack to his head to soothe his headache when the woman who had done this came round the door.

"You shouldn't bitch York," she said her face lit up with glee at the sight of his pain, "you did put this on yourself."

He groaned and threw the icepack at her which she dodged with ease.

Tex waved over her shoulder as she walked away, "Maybe next time you get some crazy idea to do something stupid involving my stuff you'll think better of it."

York smiled as she left the room and shut the door behind her. Sure he was sore and he'd be worst off tomorrow but it had been so worth facing her wraith. He plopped himself down on the bed and reached under the mattress to pull out a photo. On it was the outside of the Freelancer's base and it's huge flag pole. In front of the flag was York, Michigan, Kentucky and Ohio all grinning hugely with their spoils surrounding their feet and taking pride of place in the centre of the pic was the reason for all of his bruises and cuts. On the flag pole where the UNSC flag normally stood was a long row of ladies underwear, from black satin to red lace, all pilfered from Alison's room earlier that day. York smiled as he remembered the girls screeches when they saw their prized personal possessions on the ground and the look of blind fury on Tex's face as she saw what had been stolen from her. He wondered how she had just known it had been him solely responsible for that part of the plan but then again, he though as he tried to find a better spot so he didn't have to rest on his injuries, she did have a knack for that sort of thing. Or maybe she just knew that the amber eyed, brunette was the only one stupid enough to try. He hid the photo once again as he closed his eyes.

"So fucking worth it." he whispered with a smile.


End file.
